The Goodyear blimp gag. “It's the same old story. Boy finds girl, boy loses girl, girl finds boy, boy forgets girl, boy remembers girl, girl dies in a tragic blimp accident over the Orange Bowl on New Year's Day.” “Goodyear?” “No, the worst.” Never fails to get a laugh. Who else could pull off wordplay involving vulcanized rubber?
Who could forget Leslie Nielsen and his goofball antics? Although he started out as a serious actor, he is most remembered for making us laugh, but he wouldn't have a problem with that. Somehow, Nielsen (who, by the way, was Canadian and the son of a Mountie) knew the importance of laughter and provided it to his audience. Who could forget, for example, the movie Airplane In that film, there's the scene where Neilsen's character is trying to fix something wrong in the cockpit and says to his assistant, "Hand me a screwdriver." You guessed it — he gets a vodka and orange juice drink. There's also the scene where the plane is landing — well, trying to land. The poor guy with the lighted sticks (for pointing the way for the plane to go) ends up running as the announcer says, "Gate 57…Gate 58….Gate 59…). But it wasn't just that movie that Nielsen was famous for. There was also the Naked Gun series, in which Nielsen played a detective — definitely not James Bond, since he tended to be more madcap than 007 (and perhaps more enjoyable, too). His madcap antics enabled viewers to spend two hours in stitches. He had a gift for helping people forget the real world for a while and have some belly laughs. In today's world, that is nothing small. Thank you very much, Leslie — and rest in peace.
Yo mama's so fat, she's like a blimp--round and full of gas.
TOP TEN COMMENTS HEARD ON THE HINDENBURG BEFORE IT BLEW UP.
10: Actually sir, all our tickets are smoking 9: Is this an ashtray? 8: This is what we think of the Goodyear! 7: Don't worry! What's safer than hydrogen? 6: Would you like to be in the smoldering or non-smoldering cabin? 5: Are we really going to New Jersey? 4: (Someone singing that Luftballoon song) 3: Look at those bored reporters. We should do something nice for them 2: I thought you were flying the blimp! 1: What does this button do?
JOKE ABOUT THE VENEDS (JECZE DZIE WENEDÓR)
An airship is carrying passengers from all over the world. Suddenly everybody hears a noise and the airship quickly starts losing height. The stewardess approaches the passenger closer to her, a Frenchman, and says: „There is a hole in the airship and we are losing hydrogen. Please jump out, sir, the airship will be less heavy and you will save a lot of people.” The Frenchman thought it over, knocked back a whole bottle of wine, quickly made love to all brunettes aboard, then shouted „Vive la France!”, and jumped. It didn't help; the airship was losing more height. So the stewardess went to the next passenger, a Scandinavian: „Please, sir, we are falling down and we will all die, unless you jump out of the airship.” The Scandinavian thought it over, knocked back a bottle of aquavit, then shouted „Vikings rule the world!”, and jumped. But still, the airship was losing height. And so, the stewardess went to the next passenger, a Vened: „Please, sir, jump out of the airship and save all of us!” „No way, lady!”, the Vened replied. „Please, sir, I beg you. Please jump, then you will be a hero!” The Vened thought it over, knocked back all the alcohol that was left, then shouted „Long live Russia!”, and kicked out the Russian, who was standing beside him...
NEW RUSSIAN ZEPPELIN SEEN OVER THE SWISS ALPS RECENTLY?